HOW TO DRESSS UP FOR A CHURCH WEDDING

newlywed couple standing with their parents

MEN

Hey guys, so your friend’s friend invited you for his wedding and you’re in a dilemma as to what to put on then you’ve come to the right place. First, you need to assess your wardrobe, and if you’re anything like my boyfriend, I’d imagine your wardrobe consists of tons of jeans, countless tops and one old gray suit. Well depending on your wallet size, you could buy, rent or borrow a tuxedo for the event. You don’t show up for a wedding in sagged jeans, heavy blingage or a fur coat, leave that to the pumps. As a guy, you should dress classy, not too casual and very smart for a wedding. My bet is the bridesmaids won’t be able to take their eyes off of you.

DON’T WEAR HATS

Hats are considered inappropriate for weddings especially church weddings.

Always remember to remove your hat when entering

DON’T WEAR BRIGHT COLORS

 Navy blue or charcoal colored suits can look very stunning.

Men with dark skin tones can wear almost anything

WOMEN

When it comes to the ladies, it’s very much harder for us to decide what to wear for a wedding. We’re restricted to a little less of DO’s than DON’Ts.

DON’T WEAR WHITE!

Wearing white to a wedding when you’re not the bride is a social crime. NO ONE SHOULD STEAL THE BRIDE’S SPOTLIGHT. It’s her happy day so no matter how cute that new white dress is don’t do it. You may however substitute for a colored dress with just a dash of white or cream or other bright colors like orange.

orange colored dress will look very good if you w

DON’T WEAR BLACK!!

As much as we ladies love our LBDs, it’s a wedding not a funeral. Black will come off as too serious. also don’t make the mistake of wearing flowery or very bright colours as this will come off as too casual. One tone dresses are suitable like peach or green dresses.

what to wear to a wedding

UNILAG Boys classified according to their hostels

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This post was inspired by a certain writer that I refuse to mention his name….Opeyemi Famakin. I consider it a sequel, a me-rix, a reply (or whatever you want to call it), to his post which was titled “UNILAG girls classified according to their hostels” so I (being an honorary member of the UNILAG girls’ society) decided to even up the odds.

DISCLAIMER: UNILAG boys are not supposed to take this personally…persona-personally.

There are six male hostels in Unilag but I’ll be taking four, two out of the four are situated at New Hall. New Hall is considered the jungle of Unilag and only the tough can survive there; the two male hostels in New Hall are, Sodeinde and Eni-Njoku. If you ever need an aje butter to wise up let him stay in Eni-Njoku for a semester but if he stays in Sodeinde for one month, he will become permanently scarred for life.

Sodeinde Boys:
In between the less quiet Eni Njoku and the famous girls’ hostel Makama Bida Hall, Sodeinde is the known male hostel for notoriety on campus. Apart from being situated at the heart of Unilag (New Hall), this hostel is a community on its own. It holds a mixture of students, Yaba left inmates, born again Muslims and born-again Christians. Although it can be unkempt (the stench of urine is overwhelming), Sodeinde is the most-loved boys’ hostel on campus; boys would leave their homes to squat in a room of 16 people, not because of their food or their class but because Sodeinde boys know how to have fun and they do so 24/7. Any event that takes place in New Hall has to take Sodeinde into consideration because when Sodeinde boys yell “GO AWAY” that means no show. You will also see them calling on everybody that passes the hostel, groups of boys (whom you will never see their faces) will yell from the dirty windows at scantily clad girls, well-covered girls, all kinds of girls that pass by and even boys too.
Their noises can be heard right down to the Chapel. Rumour has it that the most horny guys stay at Sodeinde, I won’t be surprised because they have what the inmates call “Channel O”. Don’t be shocked if I tell you I’m not talking about the music channel. There used to be a hole in the wall (which was recently covered up) between Sodeinde and the female hostel Makama (as both hostels are side by side) and through this looking hole, boys constantly witness naked female students bathing or going about their business. Given their ever constant horny state, girls don’t go in there except the ‘any work’ and ‘any wash’ women old enough to be their mothers.

Sodeinde boys are the most stingy when it comes to relationships, they are worse than the Devil in the sense that when a Sodeinde boy buys you a bottle of Fanta, he gets five rounds of French kiss in return. Word of advice to the ladies; never go on a date with a Sodeinde boy because like Iyanya, all he wants is your waist.

King Jaja Hall: They pride themselves to be the best male hall in UNILAG, classy gentlemen, clean (minus the reeking dumpster at the entrance) and also the most boring. Their idea of fun is yelling “GO AWAY” at girls passing by their windows or at school officials whenever they get a chance. It is the most overrated boys’ hostel in the whole of Unilag and their boys can be very proud. It is probably boring because most of the residents are staylites in their final year. Jaja boys can spend on a girl only to be caught cheating with her best friend. They’re sneaky like that; they’ll lure you in with their gentlemanly demeanour and drop you like that when they get what they are after. DON’T FALL FOR THE CHICKEN AND CHIPS TRAP!!!

Eni Njoku Hall: Situated right next to the legendary Sodeinde is the Eni Njoku Hall. Boys here are more reserved than their next door neighbours. It is said that only efiwe and born-again Christians stay here. They are very nice to date and can be caring, they won’t try to swallow you on the first date unlike some people and even though they are not well pocketed, they’ll gladly buy you suya and eat the onions. Eni-Njoku boys are also very faithful; they rarely cheat on their girlfriends.

Mariere Boys: The half of this hall’s residents that aren’t faggots spend their time researching Unilag babes like their final year projects, if you need to bio data any girl, Mariere boys will do it for you. They know the rich ‘butties’ and the ‘aristos’. They’ll tell you all the phones you ever used since you stepped foot into Unilag and how many cars your father does or does not have. Although their busy body and aproko has a degree, Mariere boys are very cute and can be classy when they want to be.

Ozolua boys: Technically, Ozolua is not a boys’ hostel but rather a staff residential area but a lot of Unilag boys also stay there. Ozolua boys are the cutest, the classiest and the most dangerous. Once you enter an ozolua apartment you may not come out for three days and when you do your life will never remain the same again (no TB Joshua).

Now you’ve been briefed, and you know all you need to know about Unilag boys before getting into anything with them. They’re crazy, ruthless, smart and the best. GREATEST AKOKITES

LOVE (WAR) VETERAN

 

 

rose
LOVE IS WAR

 

 

 

I’ve heard the tales of woe
The pain and sorrow
Your untamed destruction
All the lives you took

 

I’ve seen the bloodied field of your victims
The lost eyes of survivors
Wishing they died on that field
I was there too

 

I still smell the metallic mixture
Of blood and alcohol
Slashed wrists of people
Who couldn’t take it anymore

 

But I lived to tell the story
Of love’s tyranny
Love is war
But I survived

CUPID TRIED TO SHOOT ME

Cupid tried to shoot me
But he missed a few times
His sweet lips tried to coax me
But they met resistance

Cupid tried to shoot me
His eyes bored into mine
But I looked away
And the spell was broken

Cupid tried to shoot me
With words so tender soft
And caressed whispers down my neck
I didn’t whisper back

Cupid tried to shoot me
With a P99 pistol gun
His bullets fell to the ground
My heart is bulletproof.

The Black Widow

black widow

Deadly as a rattle snake, poisoned by hate
Seething with passionate anger, she lies in wait
One by one, she’ll kill them all
She silently plotted her enemies’ downfall

And as his corpse grew colder, so did her heart

Consumed by her love, driven by hate
Hook, line and sinker they’ll fall for her bait
Hell hath no fury like a scorned lover
Her husband’s killers will be no more, when this is all over

And as his corpse grew colder, so did her heart

They ruled it as an accident, but she knew better
Keep her promise she will, for worse or better
She won’t rest until justice is served
On a cold platter of death, just as they deserved

And as his corpse grew colder, so did her heart

Her dress was black, but darker was her soul
Remnants of her once happy life, ash and burnt coal
Each kill was swift, painful and unmerciful, a natural-born killer
But her black heart was overwhelmed with poison, it finally killed her

And as her corpse grew colder, so did her heart.

THE PREGNANCY TEST | A SHORT STORY

pregnancy testI stared blankly at the sheet of paper not knowing how to begin. It had to be now, Francis would be back soon and If I see him I might change my mind. I looked at his picture on the bedside table once more and with a deep sigh, I started writing, swallowing each pill as I did so. By the time I’m through the pill box would be almost empty. I looked at the pregnancy test home kit I just abused with my urine, I haven’t bothered checking because I know the outcome, always negative.

Dear Francis,
I love you so much and that is why I have to do this because I know that as long as I’m around you’ll never have the courage to move on with your life. But before I go, I have to tell you this, you’ve been the best husband any woman can ever ask for. But all I did was waste twenty years of your life. I know Mama, at some point, would have advised you to get another wife but you stayed and I appreciate that. But I’m sorry I haven’t been completely honest with you. Years ago, while we were still dating and I was in my 200 level in school. I got pregnant with our child but didn’t tell you. I knew it would be the death of my mother, being a social butterfly with the perfect daughter.So I acted on my friends’ advice and got rid of the baby. I regret that decision every day and ever since then I’ve been haunted by it and at 43 I’m only a ghost of who I once was, a shrivelled pumpkin and I deserve it. But now I’ll leave you and you can be free to start your life over, it’s not too late for you, you’re a man. But I, on the other hand, I’m condemned to live like a snake who slithered across a rock with no marks to show for it. No, I can’t take it anymore.
And so this is farewell my dear lover, I hope you’ll forgive me because I couldn’t forgive myself. This is the only way.
Love you always,

(Late Sandra).

I looked at my work with admiration, impressive and dramatic.I know Francis would smile if the circumstances were different. I started feeling the pangs in my stomach. The pills were doing their job, I thought as I looked at the empty box which once held over a hundred pills.
The next one hit me like a blow to the gut, I reeled and fell off the chair onto the rug. So now I’m really going to die. I silently prayed to God to forgive me while the darkness slowly engulfed me. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the pregnancy kit again, I didn’t check the result earlier but now I could see it. It was a little red plus sign, oh God what have I done? And then everything turned black…

RAMBLINGS OF A TEENAGE GIRL

I miss you so much, it hurts
I keep telling myself I hate you, but my heart says I’m nuts
It doesn’t hurt that you hurt me,

it hurts that you don’t regret it
Maybe if you called or texted
Maybe we would still be together
I don’t even know if we’re still together
The great distance between us two,

makes me feel like strangers again

I don’t wanna love you, but I do
Maybe I deserve all this pain

And all the things that you do
That’s what I get for falling in love with a jerk like you
But I’m just a girl
I ignore the good guys and chase after douche bags
And here I am thinking of how much I hate you for taking over my heart
And still hoping and waiting for you to call back.