This post was inspired by a certain writer that I refuse to mention his name….Opeyemi Famakin. I consider it a sequel, a me-rix, a reply (or whatever you want to call it), to his post which was titled “UNILAG girls classified according to their hostels” so I (being an honorary member of the UNILAG girls’ society) decided to even up the odds.
DISCLAIMER: UNILAG boys are not supposed to take this personally…persona-personally.
There are six male hostels in Unilag but I’ll be taking four, two out of the four are situated at New Hall. New Hall is considered the jungle of Unilag and only the tough can survive there; the two male hostels in New Hall are, Sodeinde and Eni-Njoku. If you ever need an aje butter to wise up let him stay in Eni-Njoku for a semester but if he stays in Sodeinde for one month, he will become permanently scarred for life.
In between the less quiet Eni Njoku and the famous girls’ hostel Makama Bida Hall, Sodeinde is the known male hostel for notoriety on campus. Apart from being situated at the heart of Unilag (New Hall), this hostel is a community on its own. It holds a mixture of students, Yaba left inmates, born again Muslims and born-again Christians. Although it can be unkempt (the stench of urine is overwhelming), Sodeinde is the most-loved boys’ hostel on campus; boys would leave their homes to squat in a room of 16 people, not because of their food or their class but because Sodeinde boys know how to have fun and they do so 24/7. Any event that takes place in New Hall has to take Sodeinde into consideration because when Sodeinde boys yell “GO AWAY” that means no show. You will also see them calling on everybody that passes the hostel, groups of boys (whom you will never see their faces) will yell from the dirty windows at scantily clad girls, well-covered girls, all kinds of girls that pass by and even boys too.
Their noises can be heard right down to the Chapel. Rumour has it that the most horny guys stay at Sodeinde, I won’t be surprised because they have what the inmates call “Channel O”. Don’t be shocked if I tell you I’m not talking about the music channel. There used to be a hole in the wall (which was recently covered up) between Sodeinde and the female hostel Makama (as both hostels are side by side) and through this looking hole, boys constantly witness naked female students bathing or going about their business. Given their ever constant horny state, girls don’t go in there except the ‘any work’ and ‘any wash’ women old enough to be their mothers.
Sodeinde boys are the most stingy when it comes to relationships, they are worse than the Devil in the sense that when a Sodeinde boy buys you a bottle of Fanta, he gets five rounds of French kiss in return. Word of advice to the ladies; never go on a date with a Sodeinde boy because like Iyanya, all he wants is your waist.
King Jaja Hall: They pride themselves to be the best male hall in UNILAG, classy gentlemen, clean (minus the reeking dumpster at the entrance) and also the most boring. Their idea of fun is yelling “GO AWAY” at girls passing by their windows or at school officials whenever they get a chance. It is the most overrated boys’ hostel in the whole of Unilag and their boys can be very proud. It is probably boring because most of the residents are staylites in their final year. Jaja boys can spend on a girl only to be caught cheating with her best friend. They’re sneaky like that; they’ll lure you in with their gentlemanly demeanour and drop you like that when they get what they are after. DON’T FALL FOR THE CHICKEN AND CHIPS TRAP!!!
Eni Njoku Hall: Situated right next to the legendary Sodeinde is the Eni Njoku Hall. Boys here are more reserved than their next door neighbours. It is said that only efiwe and born-again Christians stay here. They are very nice to date and can be caring, they won’t try to swallow you on the first date unlike some people and even though they are not well pocketed, they’ll gladly buy you suya and eat the onions. Eni-Njoku boys are also very faithful; they rarely cheat on their girlfriends.
Mariere Boys: The half of this hall’s residents that aren’t faggots spend their time researching Unilag babes like their final year projects, if you need to bio data any girl, Mariere boys will do it for you. They know the rich ‘butties’ and the ‘aristos’. They’ll tell you all the phones you ever used since you stepped foot into Unilag and how many cars your father does or does not have. Although their busy body and aproko has a degree, Mariere boys are very cute and can be classy when they want to be.
Ozolua boys: Technically, Ozolua is not a boys’ hostel but rather a staff residential area but a lot of Unilag boys also stay there. Ozolua boys are the cutest, the classiest and the most dangerous. Once you enter an ozolua apartment you may not come out for three days and when you do your life will never remain the same again (no TB Joshua).
Now you’ve been briefed, and you know all you need to know about Unilag boys before getting into anything with them. They’re crazy, ruthless, smart and the best. GREATEST AKOKITES