UNILAG Boys classified according to their hostels


This post was inspired by a certain writer that I refuse to mention his name….Opeyemi Famakin. I consider it a sequel, a me-rix, a reply (or whatever you want to call it), to his post which was titled “UNILAG girls classified according to their hostels” so I (being an honorary member of the UNILAG girls’ society) decided to even up the odds.

DISCLAIMER: UNILAG boys are not supposed to take this personally…persona-personally.

There are six male hostels in Unilag but I’ll be taking four, two out of the four are situated at New Hall. New Hall is considered the jungle of Unilag and only the tough can survive there; the two male hostels in New Hall are, Sodeinde and Eni-Njoku. If you ever need an aje butter to wise up let him stay in Eni-Njoku for a semester but if he stays in Sodeinde for one month, he will become permanently scarred for life.

Sodeinde Boys:
In between the less quiet Eni Njoku and the famous girls’ hostel Makama Bida Hall, Sodeinde is the known male hostel for notoriety on campus. Apart from being situated at the heart of Unilag (New Hall), this hostel is a community on its own. It holds a mixture of students, Yaba left inmates, born again Muslims and born-again Christians. Although it can be unkempt (the stench of urine is overwhelming), Sodeinde is the most-loved boys’ hostel on campus; boys would leave their homes to squat in a room of 16 people, not because of their food or their class but because Sodeinde boys know how to have fun and they do so 24/7. Any event that takes place in New Hall has to take Sodeinde into consideration because when Sodeinde boys yell “GO AWAY” that means no show. You will also see them calling on everybody that passes the hostel, groups of boys (whom you will never see their faces) will yell from the dirty windows at scantily clad girls, well-covered girls, all kinds of girls that pass by and even boys too.
Their noises can be heard right down to the Chapel. Rumour has it that the most horny guys stay at Sodeinde, I won’t be surprised because they have what the inmates call “Channel O”. Don’t be shocked if I tell you I’m not talking about the music channel. There used to be a hole in the wall (which was recently covered up) between Sodeinde and the female hostel Makama (as both hostels are side by side) and through this looking hole, boys constantly witness naked female students bathing or going about their business. Given their ever constant horny state, girls don’t go in there except the ‘any work’ and ‘any wash’ women old enough to be their mothers.

Sodeinde boys are the most stingy when it comes to relationships, they are worse than the Devil in the sense that when a Sodeinde boy buys you a bottle of Fanta, he gets five rounds of French kiss in return. Word of advice to the ladies; never go on a date with a Sodeinde boy because like Iyanya, all he wants is your waist.

King Jaja Hall: They pride themselves to be the best male hall in UNILAG, classy gentlemen, clean (minus the reeking dumpster at the entrance) and also the most boring. Their idea of fun is yelling “GO AWAY” at girls passing by their windows or at school officials whenever they get a chance. It is the most overrated boys’ hostel in the whole of Unilag and their boys can be very proud. It is probably boring because most of the residents are staylites in their final year. Jaja boys can spend on a girl only to be caught cheating with her best friend. They’re sneaky like that; they’ll lure you in with their gentlemanly demeanour and drop you like that when they get what they are after. DON’T FALL FOR THE CHICKEN AND CHIPS TRAP!!!

Eni Njoku Hall: Situated right next to the legendary Sodeinde is the Eni Njoku Hall. Boys here are more reserved than their next door neighbours. It is said that only efiwe and born-again Christians stay here. They are very nice to date and can be caring, they won’t try to swallow you on the first date unlike some people and even though they are not well pocketed, they’ll gladly buy you suya and eat the onions. Eni-Njoku boys are also very faithful; they rarely cheat on their girlfriends.

Mariere Boys: The half of this hall’s residents that aren’t faggots spend their time researching Unilag babes like their final year projects, if you need to bio data any girl, Mariere boys will do it for you. They know the rich ‘butties’ and the ‘aristos’. They’ll tell you all the phones you ever used since you stepped foot into Unilag and how many cars your father does or does not have. Although their busy body and aproko has a degree, Mariere boys are very cute and can be classy when they want to be.

Ozolua boys: Technically, Ozolua is not a boys’ hostel but rather a staff residential area but a lot of Unilag boys also stay there. Ozolua boys are the cutest, the classiest and the most dangerous. Once you enter an ozolua apartment you may not come out for three days and when you do your life will never remain the same again (no TB Joshua).

Now you’ve been briefed, and you know all you need to know about Unilag boys before getting into anything with them. They’re crazy, ruthless, smart and the best. GREATEST AKOKITES


group of girls

I know we often hear this : “UNILAG girls have shakara” but to be honest, this is not always the case. If you like a girl, the reputation of her school/schoolmates shouldn’t deter you from going after her. This post is not limited to Unilag guys, girls or even students alone.As a universal rule most information in this post is useful to a wide range of people.Before I go into the main point I’ll like to debunk some falsities about Unilag girls that the general public believes:

1. Not all Unilag girls are aristos.

2. We won’t have sex with you if you buy us sharwarma or Chicken and Chips.

Now for all you young men looking to start/keep a long-term relationship with a Unilag girl or any other girl for that matter, pay attention to the following points below.



Meeting a girl for the first time, or going out for the first time is very crucial in a relationship.In fact it forms the basis of the  relationship, it determines whether or not the relationship is worth keeping. Don’t discuss every aspect of your life with her date on the first day, to be honest she might not be able to remember it all after that day, rather stick to the basics, be vague and mysterious and let her be intrigued by you. It’s basic psychology, if you tell her less she wants to know more.



So you had a great date and you’re feeling so in  love already, you’re feeling like kissing her, holding her and never letting go.Calm down mister, it’s too soon you only just met her. Kissing her will only scare her off except if she initiates the kiss herself (which is less likely), in which you can only give her a simple kiss (no tongue) or a peck and a hug. The reason for this is the relationship is still fresh and if you want it to last long it shouldn’t be based on feelings, attraction and passion alone, it should also include friendship, and companionship.


cute guy

Don’t borrow your friend’s car or BB phone to pose, do you think she wouldn’t find out? Think again. Don’t dress like a pimp or yahoo boy and expect her to take you seriously, to be honest girls love bad boys or boys that dress like this but never really intend having a real relationship because they consider such guys ‘players’. Dress smartly and confidently, you can go casual or corporate(just lose the suit and tie, it gives the impression of  you being too serious or uptight).


laff 2

Girls love guys that make them laugh, I don’t mean for you to become a comedian like Jedi or Basket-mouth, just be able to make her laugh and have fun whenever she’s with you. Tease her lightly(but be nice about it), don’t make her the butt of all your jokes.


group of girls

A girl’s friends influence how much she likes a guy to a great extent(most times). Even if you don’t like her friends, find a way to make them like you or try your possible best to connect with them. Don’t show too much interest in any of her friends either, she’ll think you want to hit on one of them.Be a worthy boyfriend, by this I mean, be presentable. Girls love showing off to other girls, their new clothes, car, BOYFRIEND. Be the kind of guy her friends will drool over, it increases her attraction to you and also makes her feel lucky/happy to be the one who has you hooked and not them.



Arguments happen all the time, you don’t have to be right always, learn to be wrong even when you think you’re right.Try to see her point and accept your mistakes when you’re wrong. Make her your confidant, don’t flare up when she keeps things from you.Now come to think about it, are you sure you told her absolutely EVERYTHING about you?So instead of getting angry and ruining things, tell her something about yourself that she doesn’t know or you’ve never told her, she’ll feel happy that you could confide in her and who knows, she just might open up to you in turn. This bonds your relationship and brings you closer than ever.


If you love someone, let them know. Don’t hide your feelings or manipulate theirs. Learn to laugh, play and have quality fun with each other. I hope I’ve been able to answer any questions and clear any doubts you’ve been having about UNILAG girls and other girls in general, your comments and views will be very much appreciated, thank you.



1. She has a Blackberry phone
2. Any weavon she uses,even if it’s darling yaki,she calls “human hair” or “brazilian hair” or even better….”Carribean hair”…well I only use somalian hair:|
3. Her wardrobe consists mainly of leggings and jeggings
4. She always has an uncle in Germany or an aunty in London who sends her everything she wears/uses.
5. She has a pseudo-american accent
6. She never takes off her sunshades,even when it’s raining heavily.8-)
7. She changes boyfriends like the woman with the flow of blood changes pad :-|, or denies having a boyfriend altogether.
8. She’s real….forget the fake nails, lashes, hair, lips, contacts and all.She doesn’t mess around,no!:@
9. All her sunshades are designer…they all have UV protection *whispers* “yaba goods”
10. Finally, monday to saturday she speaks in phonetics…sunday morning she speaks in tongues!
And that’s it for now, come back for more info on Unilag girls,buh-bye!;)