I stared blankly at the sheet of paper not knowing how to begin. It had to be now, Francis would be back soon and If I see him I might change my mind. I looked at his picture on the bedside table once more and with a deep sigh, I started writing, swallowing each pill as I did so. By the time I’m through the pill box would be almost empty. I looked at the pregnancy test home kit I just abused with my urine, I haven’t bothered checking because I know the outcome, always negative.
I love you so much and that is why I have to do this because I know that as long as I’m around you’ll never have the courage to move on with your life. But before I go, I have to tell you this, you’ve been the best husband any woman can ever ask for. But all I did was waste twenty years of your life. I know Mama, at some point, would have advised you to get another wife but you stayed and I appreciate that. But I’m sorry I haven’t been completely honest with you. Years ago, while we were still dating and I was in my 200 level in school. I got pregnant with our child but didn’t tell you. I knew it would be the death of my mother, being a social butterfly with the perfect daughter.So I acted on my friends’ advice and got rid of the baby. I regret that decision every day and ever since then I’ve been haunted by it and at 43 I’m only a ghost of who I once was, a shrivelled pumpkin and I deserve it. But now I’ll leave you and you can be free to start your life over, it’s not too late for you, you’re a man. But I, on the other hand, I’m condemned to live like a snake who slithered across a rock with no marks to show for it. No, I can’t take it anymore.
And so this is farewell my dear lover, I hope you’ll forgive me because I couldn’t forgive myself. This is the only way.
Love you always,
I looked at my work with admiration, impressive and dramatic.I know Francis would smile if the circumstances were different. I started feeling the pangs in my stomach. The pills were doing their job, I thought as I looked at the empty box which once held over a hundred pills.
The next one hit me like a blow to the gut, I reeled and fell off the chair onto the rug. So now I’m really going to die. I silently prayed to God to forgive me while the darkness slowly engulfed me. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the pregnancy kit again, I didn’t check the result earlier but now I could see it. It was a little red plus sign, oh God what have I done? And then everything turned black…